After the devastating wildfires that swept through Los Angeles earlier this year, the city faced an enormous task: clearing thousands of damaged properties and making neighborhoods safe again. Thanks to your tireless efforts, over 9,000 sites were cleared of hazardous debris in under 30 days—marking the fastest cleanup of its kind in U.S. history. This incredible achievement was made possible by dedicated relief workers like you, many of whom are also balancing the responsibilities of being a parent.
At the same time, the impact of loss and disruption may be affecting your children in ways that aren’t always visible. Kids process change differently than adults—often through behavior, play, or silence rather than words. This guide offers simple, practical ways to help your children feel safe, supported, and understood as you continue your vital work in the community.
Understand Children’s Unique Processing of Loss
Children process loss differently than adults. They may form false beliefs or unrealistic fears, especially if they aren’t given clear, age-appropriate information. For example, a child might blame themselves for a divorce or misunderstand what happened to a lost pet.
Tip: Offer simple, honest explanations that match your child’s age and development. Ask them what they understand about the situation, then gently correct misunderstandings.
Children’s ability to manage strong emotions is limited, so they may shift quickly between sadness and play. This isn’t a lack of coping—it’s how they protect themselves from becoming overwhelmed.
Tip: Allow space for both grief and play. Don’t assume they’re “fine” just because they’re smiling—emotional ups and downs are normal.
Children often express grief in indirect ways, like through drawings, play, or changes in behavior. Increased fears, anger, mood swings, or sleep issues may be signs of emotional distress, not misbehavior.
Tip: Pay close attention to shifts in behavior. Encourage creative expression and respond with empathy rather than discipline when they’re acting out.
Loss can also affect a child’s sense of identity. Their goals and hopes for the future are often tied to what they’ve lost, making it harder to adjust to a new reality.
Tip: Help them create new routines, goals, or traditions. Reassure them that it’s okay to miss what was, while also making room for what’s next.
Foster Open and Age-Appropriate Communication
Give clear, age-appropriate information. Children need to understand what happened in a way they can process. Using vague language or euphemisms (like “went to sleep” for death) can lead to confusion or fear.
Tip: Use simple, direct language that fits the child’s age. For example, say “Grandpa died” instead of “passed away,” and check in to make sure they understood.
Be open and reassuring when they ask questions. Children may ask difficult or unexpected questions. How you respond helps shape their sense of safety and trust.
Tip: Listen without judgment and answer honestly, keeping cultural values in mind. It’s okay to say “I don’t know” if you don’t have all the answers.
Foster open communication within the family. Children are constantly picking up on emotional cues—even when adults avoid talking about the loss. Silence can increase anxiety or confusion.
Tip: Create space for family conversations, even short ones, where feelings can be shared. Let children know it’s okay to talk about what happened, and model openness by sharing your own feelings in simple ways.
Ensure Adequate Support and Involvement
Trusted adults provide stability and guidance. Children look to adults for emotional support and cues on how to cope, especially within their own cultural context.
Tip: Be present, calm, and consistent. Explain cultural or family beliefs in ways they can understand, and model healthy ways to grieve or adapt.
Peer and community support matters too. Children often feel understood when they can connect with others their own age.
Tip: Encourage friendships, school activities, or support groups where they can express themselves and feel less alone.
Children often maintain emotional ties to what they’ve lost. This could be a person, a home, or a former version of themselves. These ongoing connections are natural and healthy.
Tip: Let your child talk about or remember what they’ve lost without rushing them to “move on.” Support them in finding new meaning while honoring the past.
As you work to rebuild communities, remember that healing also begins at home. By staying attuned to your child’s emotional needs and offering steady, compassionate support, you can help them navigate their own experience of loss with resilience and trust. Even small moments of connection can make a lasting difference. You’re not just restoring what was lost—you’re helping shape a stronger future for your family and your community.
Adapted from:
Death and Bereavement Across Cultures : Second Edition, edited by Colin Murray Parkes, et al., Taylor & Francis Group, 2015. ProQuest Ebook Central, https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/fuller/detail.action?docID=3569221.