Although seven months have passed since the devastating LA fires were extinguished, our community continues to face the long and difficult journey of recovery, including both rebuilding what was lost and coping with the emotional impact. As disaster relief workers, your role remains vital in supporting this ongoing effort. At the same time, as members of the LA community, many of you have experienced personal losses, leading to complex and often overwhelming emotions. People are frequently exposed to common myths about emotions, which can shape how they understand and manage their feelings. This article aims to challenge those myths and help you reflect on your own views about emotions.
Myth 1: There are “good” and “bad” emotions.
- Fact: Although some emotions can be uncomfortable, they serve important purposes in our lives. For instance, fear alerts us to danger, guilt signals that we may have acted against our values, and anger can motivate us to stand up for ourselves or set healthy boundaries.
- Ask yourself: How has an uncomfortable emotion helped you?
Myth 2: There has to be a right way to feel our emotions.
- Fact: When our emotions don’t match our expectations, it’s common to feel confused or frustrated. But the truth is that emotional responses vary widely. No two people feel exactly the same way, even in the same situation. Because of this, there is no single “right” way to feel.
- Ask yourself: How do you try to force yourself to feel a certain way? When does that happen?
- Tips to practice:
Myth 3: Talking about my emotions is useless.
- Fact: The benefits of talking about emotions go far beyond just solving problems. Sharing how we feel helps us make sense of our experiences, which can make those emotions feel more manageable. In some cases, simply putting feelings into words can even lead to new insights and perspectives.
- Ask yourself: Can you recall a time when talking about your feelings made them more workable?
Myth 4: Others will think less of me if I show emotion.
- Fact: Showing emotions can feel intimidating, but it’s also a powerful strength in relationships. When you’re open about your feelings, others are more likely to see you as genuine and relatable. This kind of emotional honesty helps build trust and increases the chances of forming healthy, fulfilling connections.
- Ask yourself: When is it most challenging to be honest with others about what you’re feeling?
Myth 5: If I feel too much, I’ll lose control.
- Fact: Many people fear that if they allow themselves to feel a difficult emotion even for a moment they will lose control. But the truth is that avoiding or suppressing emotions often gives them more power. In contrast, allowing ourselves to fully experience a feeling can help it pass more naturally and lose its intensity over time.
- Ask yourself: When was the last time I avoided or suppressed a difficult emotion, and how might the outcome have changed if I had allowed myself to fully experience it instead?
Myth 6: I should be happy all the time.
- Fact: Happiness is wonderful, but it is not the norm, even though social media often creates that illusion. By viewing happiness as an occasional gift rather than an expectation, we can appreciate it more deeply and avoid blaming ourselves when we don’t feel that way.
- Ask yourself: What are some ways you put pressure on yourself to be happy? Do they work?
Myth 7: Emotions are inferior to logic.
- Fact: For a balanced perspective, we need both emotion and logic. Logic helps us solve problems and consider options, but only emotion reveals what we truly want and care about.
- Ask yourself: Do you favor emotion or logic in your decision-making? What would balance look like?
Myth 8: I can always trust my feelings.
- Fact: It’s wise to pay attention to our emotions, but we should be careful about how we interpret what we feel. For example, if we experience strong jealousy, we might jump to the conclusion that our partner is cheating, even when there is no actual evidence.
- Ask yourself: Recall a time when you had an emotion that led to a false assumption. What was it?
Myth 9: Other people control how I feel.
- Fact: What others do can influence how we feel, but no one can directly make us feel a certain way. We are responsible for our emotions, how we respond to them, and the consequences of those responses.
- Ask yourself: When have you blamed others for your feelings? What was happening?
Adapted from: Emotion Myths from Therapistaid